Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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