3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just google imaged poop.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize