The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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