she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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