Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
