i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
