Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love you.
Bad choice
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
