I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
