Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
