I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
