His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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