i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
