YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
