New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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