Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
