benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
