The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
