You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
