in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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