He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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