Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
