Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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