: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
