Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
