we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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