I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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