Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A bitchslap is in order.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
