That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
