maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
