the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
honey bunches of taint.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
