why didn't you poke me back
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize