This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't turn off my feet"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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