It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
