i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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