Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
