the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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