I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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