your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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