if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm always down for nudity.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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