So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
