as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
