She is in my trunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
