Someone shit on the floor
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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