I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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