My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
