he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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