Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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