Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
