I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize