this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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