I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
