I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
