Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
