take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
