All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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