My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
