he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
