hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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