I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
