The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
