plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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