So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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