you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
