I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
