Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She bit a glass in half.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
