dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
