I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
