I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
