Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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