I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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