sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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