So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
