I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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