I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
