Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
