they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
