wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This house was built for laser tag.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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