Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i drank out of a bidet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
